Another thing, I've read all about "asexual lesbians." In fact, there are approximately 250 documented cases of this in the world. And it continues to grow everyday. But, when I look at the term, I go eh??? I laugh out loud because I do "behave exactly" like an asexual lesbian. It is also PRETTY CLOSE to describing who I am. But, not quite hitting the target (it's about one inch away from bullseye). Ya know what I mean? When I saw it, I cocked my head to the side and said, "Wow, not so bad!" I even became a member in a small online community at http://z4.invisionfree.com/Asexual_Lesbians/index.php
The reason I joined? **Chuckles** My life is a "perfect imitation" of an asexual lesbian. After all, I never had sex nor oral sex, and I am interested in women (not men). I like girls; I constantly talk to them, flirt in a subtle way, and hang out with them whenever I can. To the best of my knowledge, all my typical female friends (in real-life) that I have happen to be straight. But hey, you never know. **Winks** Alas, a "Gabrielle" or a "Xena" may be in the midst somewhere. For your information, no, I never kissed or held hands with a girl before. But, I instinctively know I am this way. And I'm still a hopeless romantic; a Gabrielle still searching for my Xena.
However, I always thought this label was a misnomer. Why do you think I never use it in my blog/journal? **Rolls eyes** Asexual lesbian? First of all, I'm not an asexual. That's totally crazy. I do actually have a sex drive (sexuality). It is just not directed at anyone in particular. But, yes, I do get horny and occasionally masturbate. To all of those readers (especially my regular followers) who are dying to know; yes I've had intense clitoral orgasms. Yeah, it feels great, but I'm not into this whole 'sex thing.' Like in the insane and obsessed media. Not really. Sure, it's interesting, but it is not what's on my mind.
Second of all, I'm not a lesbian (at least not in the biblical sense). I never had engaged in any kind of homosexual acts in my entire life. The reason I identify with "lesbianism" is because I have emotional & romantic attractions to women only. It has always been this way my whole life. But, I didn't know what "it meant" until I learned of the terms Romantic Friendship and Boston Marriage (back in 2007).
Nevertheless, asexual lesbianism (the terminology itself) was a phrase I grew to know and love. In a very personal way. Yes, I know, I know, I know, I'm not an asexual NOR a lesbian. But, put two and two together (like 1 + 1 = 2), and the whole weird concept finally MAKES PERFECT SENSE to me! Finding that rare website was like finding my 'long-lost tribe' or my own 'secret garden.' I was sooooo relieved that there were other women who were like me out there. That I wasn't going crazy. That I wasn't 'all alone' in this world (stuck with my own unique ideas). Because there are actual hundreds of people scattered worldwide who share my similar (if not nearly identical) feelings.
But no, for your information, I don't think of myself in that way. I identify myself with the relationship between Xena & Gabrielle (the love they shared). Totally nameless. You see, I feel my love towards women (that I like romantically) really does go beyond words/categories/labels. But, yes, if you want to get "more concrete" then think of me as an "asexual lesbian." I don't mind at all. However, the terms (and also being a) homo-romantic & homo-emotional, sound wayyyyy better to my ears and to my lifestyle in general.
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In fact, I used to be straight (I didn't know any better). It all happened literally seven years ago. Practically ancient history. It was during a time I didn't know who I was (deep down). And going 'out with guys' was the normal thing to do. I once had a boyfriend. His name was Brian. He was a good fellow, and I liked him very much. Again, we never had sex nor oral sex. We just made out and held hands. Our actual relationship wasn't even serious. We only saw each other on the weekends (we went to vastly different high schools), and our relationship lasted A MERE seven months. It was nice, okay and went smoothly. I basically had a wonderful time! No problems, dramas or traumas. He treated me with the uttermost respect. Brian was a rare (and sweet) gentleman indeed. We broke up because we had to go to universities in different states. But, THE REAL truth is, we weren't genuinely in love in the first place. Still, we remained good friends long afterwards. We eventually lost touch three years ago. I never regretted any of this. Not one bit. It was quite an enjoyable and (most importantly) a rich learning experience! Of course, I'm totally over him 100%, but I'll always keep these fond memories. You see, obviously I had to know "who I was not" in order to know "who I am." It is small wonder then, he was my EARLIEST, FIRST, ONLY, and LAST boyfriend.
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