Interlocking Fingers And Pressing Palms

[Article written by Keely Stevenson]

The first time seeing this, you are shocked. Men holding hands, and other macho sightings in Southern India?? Eventually, you get used to it. In between, you go through various stages of reaction—puzzlement, wonder, curiosity, disgust and finally, grudging acceptance. The sight is a common enough one in these parts--- grown men and teenaged boys holding hands in public like lovers that cannot bear physical separation from each other. It is like men cannot stop pawing each other. The way they carry on is enough to unleash the latent homophobe in most of us (rolls eyes).

Yet, in many places throughout Asia, holding hands amongst men is considered a common demonstration of hetero friendship. While crossing chaotic streets or sauntering down the sidewalk chewing paan, Indian men show no shame in interlocking fingers and pressing palms.

One NRI even claims to have seen "macchans," the alpha males of college campuses, locking arms with the lieutenants of their pack in India, and "goondas" holding hands just before launching an assault on a local tea shop that refuses to serve their gang free chai.

In America, though, hand holding between male friends is strictly prohibited by heteronormative social mores. Locking feet in a bhangra circle, however, is completely acceptable and straight. Lifting weights together in sleeveless tees and making eye contact in the full body mirror at the gym while executing synchronized bicep curls is also allowed. But hand holding between close friends? No, that'd be totally 'gay'.

"Anyway", says one man, "I have a good pal, born and raised here in Bangalore, who told me it is positively NOT gay behaviour , and he said: When I was a kid - OK, not now - I always held hands with my guy-friends, we all did. He then told me: To be completely honest, when I was a boy growing up here in Bangalore, I had no idea of even the existence of homosexuality. It was completely unheard of in my social circle.”

That pretty much convinced me, because I consider this guy a very credible source of local/cultural information!

So, if you are an Indian male visiting family in India, do not be alarmed if upon first meeting you after several years of absence your cousin Anirrudah immediately grabs your hand and holds it next to his thigh for a long period of time. Also do not be alarmed if he is several years older than you, pushing 30, living with his parents and still single. This is the Indian custom of saying, "How have you been, brother?"

Anirrudah will continue to hold your hand as his parents give your family a tour of their flat and introduce you to the goats that roam freely through their back yard. If you jump in alarm at the sight of wild animals, even for a second, Anirrudah will clasp your hand tighter and laugh a toothy grin in your face. "Are you frightened?" he will ask. Never, under any circumstance, say yes. Just smile and breathe. It's not gay, just 'totally uncomfortable' (chuckles).

“This weekend during the procession”, says Keely Stevenson, “I noticed two men walking hand-in-hand. It is something I have seen occasionally here in Tanzania, and something I remember being intrigued by in India last year. Two men holding hands here is merely an expression of friendship- an intimacy and companionship they are not afraid to show in public. Where I am from (the United States), two heterosexual male friends would never dream of holding hands while walking down the street—too afraid that people would question their sexual orientation or perhaps think of them as weak and unmanly. However, I found this simple and naïve expression of friendship quite refreshing.”