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WONDERFUL! Somebody who understands what I'm only just learning. My friend and I have felt confused and guilty, even though we know we're never going to go against our Christian principals. I have sooo many questions - just can't think of how to put it all into words. But, I looooove your whole journal! THANK YOU! ~~Samantha~~

Hi Lillian,
I found your blog about a year ago. I read most of it then. I just found it again today. Your format is nicer, but the blog still touches my soul the same. I like the pictures you have included. Makes me wish it was the norm. I wish I was as brave as you. Take care! ~~Jessica~~

Hi there. Nice blog! I like your journal; it's looking so cool according to blog theme. You have shared useful information. I'd like to join your website again and again. I want to say thanks to this blog owner. Keep up the good work! It really gives good details. Bharat also loves it. ~~Arya Samaj Mandir in Noida~~

[Response] You're very welcome indeed! In fact, why don't you become my 11th follower? Add yourself to my blogroll. Uh, er... Where exactly are you from?? My best guess: Its close to Delhi, the capital of India.

Greetings from Vicky & Rachel in Newfoundland,

I wouldn't quite say I stumbled upon your blog, as I was looking for this content specifically. However, I wasn't quite expecting to find something like this-- so personal. I'd like you to know that I, myself, have a romantic friend. I wasn't looking for her, as you are looking, but we happened by chance. So what you're looking for exists. It's very real. So genuine that it at times seems in fact surreal. :]

Ms. Lillian Marie, you have a very beautiful (quite rare) love that you're looking for, although not easy to maintain. I hope you find her.

[Response] Thank you so very much..... And yes, all this content is very, very personal. I hope I find her too..... **Smiles Softly**

Hello dear, I'm Sue from Nebraska; just a traditional heterosexual housewife with 2 kids. You are so incredibly talented, and when I can't find a new entry of yours, (and I check often, like if you were my friend next door), I feel a loss.....

[Response] I really liked the personal e-mail you wrote to me. It was the very best comment/feedback I ever got. In fact, you're located in an entry titled, "A Hundred Years From Now..." I hope you don't mind. FYI, yours was also the very first (the earliest) letter I ever got. I also appreciated our several subsequent e-mail correspondences. Trust me, your blog is NOT BORING at all! It is very nice. However; as you mentioning that I should get the whole thing 'officially' published, I'm very sorry. I just can't. My personal reasons for this are complex. You know, sometimes I wonder (even up to this day), if you are actually someone I personally know in real-life. But, I suppose I'll never know...

An insightful post. Will definitely help because I also host workshops in my local community [The Psychology With Which Women Regard Other Women]

Thanks,
Karim - Creating Power
September 22, 2009 5:39 AM

[Response] You're welcome. If you liked that particular entry, I strongly reconmmend you read also, "Proposing A Third Way Of Life."

It's sad that the world is so perverted, that this kind of affection is associated with sexuality. For years I thought I was a pervert for wanting to be this close to another girl, but now I think this is what God originally intended friendship to be like.

Written By Gabrielle
November 3, 2011 11:00 AM

[Response] Correction: I know this is what God originally intended Friendship to be like.

Capitalize it. Spread the Word!!!

What's your REAL name? Just who the heck are you?! (from an annoymous individual)

[Response] Well, let's just say my pen-name 'nearly resembles' my true name, LOL!

I found your blog when I was searching for something that I could relate to. When I was searching on the Internet, most of them turned out to be lesbian, and that's not what I'm looking for. I searched on Amazon.com for things and then it started to suggest gay and lesbian readings to me... I got a little offended that Amazon.com was judging me. :) Your blog really spoke to me because I really think I understand where you are coming from. ~~Danielle, a shy and easily embarrassed librarian from Colorado~~

[Response] Yes; I try my best to get my message across clearly. Still, there are some people (out there) who think I'm just crazy. Anyway, its good to know that you got the 'main idea' of my entire website.

Hi, I'm Martha. Interesting... This is the first I'd heard of that sort of ceremony. But my parents have no clue about me! I know my dad will not get it or accept it at all; I wouldn't ever have an official Friendship Commitment Ceremony, that's for sure :-(

[Response] To tell you the truth, my parents also have no clue about who I am. So, I can relate very much to your inner (and very real) pain. I might never have a Friendship Commitment Ceremony too (because of rejection and scorn). In a way, society has become so very 'backwards' in this day and age. NOW it is okay to have homosexual/gay weddings, but I cannot marry my best Friend? What has this world come to?? **Sighs**

My name's Cindy. Geez, you've hit the nail on the head for me. I see you wrote these entries some time ago, but it's very relevant for me today. Although "happily" married, I've bonded very closely to a friend. Her husband can't get his head around it, and is worried that we're going to run off together (we're not planning on it!). His attitude has caused us a little confusion and even some perplexity, even though everything feels so right between us. Although I've told my husband, we dare not tell hers that we hold hands and hug for longer than what most people do. Yet, we have nothing to hide. We have no sexual interest in each other at all, and "love" our husbands....

[Response] Yeah, but which entries are you referring to??? LOL, I mean I've got like a total of 105 entries altogether (which is a lot!)

Cindy: Oh no, I just meant the whole "romantic friendship" concept/idea. It is really good.

Hello, my name is Esther. I love the trust and loyalty they share as best friends which, in many cases, do not exist in this world anymore. I'm reffering to the Oprah & Gayle, and Siegfried & Roy entries.

[Response] Actually, I am implying they're more than best friends, but not lovers. And that (same thing) goes for the rest of other platonic romantic pairs. It is like Close Friendship Encounters of the Fourth Kind or like Special Relationships in the Twilight Zone. But yes, they're Friends; not lovers. Hard to explain!

You can call me Isabella. I can completely identify with the type of relationship they have (Oprah & Gayle) People pick it apart... and THAT is why I struggle so much with my own feelings here in Salt Lake City. It is amazing I can kiss a guy on the first date, kiss my dog, my cat, and my new computer. But, if I get that close to a Friend that I have known for almost 20 years in Utah, red flags go up with people.

[Response] Yes, I know! Very sad....

You should see the 3rd movie! It's a gay allegory, considering gay adoption by Timon and Pumbaa! Great. ~~Zack, an aimless twenty-something party guy from Molokai, Hawaii~~

[Response] I saw it, and I'm alluding to "something else" actually.... hence the title of my blog & book. But, thanks for reading my entries! I agree with you. It was a great movie.

Correction: "The Lion King 1-1/2" is also being listed as "The Lion King III: Hakuna Matata" in other countries/regions.

Bottom Line: These two movies are the same.

Question: Will there be a 4th movie? I hope so!

What's wrong with interpreting them as gay or interpreting them as a friendship? Timon canonically also falls "in love" with a female meerkat in one story so I see him more as ambiguously bisexual.

Why even debate it though? As an active fandom shipper I have het couples, femme slash couples, and male slash couples. I rarely ship what is "canon", at least, canonically stated as a couple. Especially for het. I think for myself. :)

[Response]Currently pending....

Good material on romantic friendships is not easy to find, as you well know. I am so happy to have found this blog!

I do agree with what Dylan said about homosexuality existing alongside romantic friendship - I also like to think that if I had a friend for whom I started to have sexual feelings, that wouldn't *necessarily* make it any less pure and wonderful.

[Response] Oh, really? **Raises Eyebrows** Interesting.... Please do continue (carry on) with whatever else you wish to say. Is there any additional comments you'd like to publish on here? Or other tidbits of information you'd like to share with the rest of us? **Smile**

Yes, thank you! But by and large, I wholeheartedly agree with what you say and it's so relieving to find someone who feels the way I do. I am not a highly sexual person and intimate friendship has always been more important to me than sexual relationships (which I have never even had...) I once had a friend who came close to being a Friend, so I know how wonderful it can be. There's something so clean and deep and liberating in not being a part of what the mainstream considers "romance", which I think is largely "patriarchy made vaguely appealing to women."

~~Jane~~

[Response] Frankly, to tell you the truth, my journal IS THE ONLY Romantic Friendship blog out there! I guess that makes it official. I'm not joking sweetie. Look it up on the Google search engine. It not only appears on the very first page, but also on the very top 1st hyperlink as well (chuckles). So yes Jane, material like this is very hard to come by. Yet, it is extremely, extremely easy to find. If and ONLY IF people know exactly what they're searching for. Actually, all they need to do is type down two critical keywords, "romantic friendship."

It seems we have a lot in common (including us being both virgins), LOL. But, could you be a little more specific on what you liked about my blog? What were your favorite entries?? What lines "jumped out" at you? Did you read my journal from the beginning (dating back to the earliest archives) or did you only look at the entries that "caught" your attention? I'd need to know this for statistical purposes. Thank you.

Did you like my commentaries on the FGT & XWP entries? I've spend a considerable amount of time on these. Or perhaps (like some readers have commented) did you like my "Dawn Of A New Era" romantic pics of women posing together intimately?

If you want, add yourself to my blogroll because I am creating about 15 more entries by the end of summer. It'd be nice if you became my 9th follower. **Smile** I appreciate your thoughtful comments!

P.S. Can you tell me more about your friend who almost became your Friend? I mean, just general stuff of course. Like where did you two meet? How did you get to know each other? Or just tell me some small story, funny anecdotes; etc which pretty much summarizes your friendship with this person. I'd be interested to read about it!

[Jane] By “hard to find,” I suppose I meant hard to find in quantity/in the mainstream... But thankfully not in quality, as your blog proves!

I have not had time yet to read all of the entries, as I am finishing up my final semester as an undergraduate at university (my last assignment is due tomorrow!) But so far, I have enjoyed the photo posts (both of women and of men, but especially the historic male friendship postcards and photos) and the posts with essays, such as “Empty Seats” that explore the reasoning behind the lack of romantic friendship in society today. I am interested academically in the connections between homophobia, misogyny, and the decline of romantic friendship, and personally in finding out how other people feel about romantic friendship and meeting others who are searching for one. When reading a blog, I tend to start with entries that catch my attention, but usually eventually read all of them (like yours).

I don't mind talking about my friend (who almost became my Friend). I met her at an event that my high school hosted for incoming freshmen. We were put into groups to tour the campus, and she was randomly placed in the same one I was. I'm usually pretty shy about talking to random people, but she caught my eye because of her appearance – long, slightly wavy dark hair, pale skin, and green-blue eyes. She was also wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Legolas from The Lord of the Rings. I thought, “she’s either a crazy Legolas fangirl, or a really cool person.” So I took a risk and asked her if she was a Lord of the Rings fan. She said yes, and asked me if I'd read the books (as opposed to just having seen the movies.) I said yes and we went from there.

We found out that we had an enormous number of interests and opinions in common, and we became closer as time went on. Being around her made me so happy. We were somewhat physically close and sometimes linked arms while walking or cuddled or held each other more than what would be considered “normal,” but we never kissed or did more than that. (Though I would have loved to have kissed her.) Once I was over at her house and we just fell asleep on the sofa together without meaning to. When I woke up and realized what had happened, I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I sometimes got the impression that she would have liked to be closer (to be able to kiss, etc.) but I was too nervous to ask because I didn't want her to think I was a lesbian, so I never found out. We had a falling out in the middle of our senior year of high school. We eventually made up, but we have not seen each other much since then.

I identify today as an asexual bi-romantic. I am sometimes attracted to men in books and movies, and more rarely to women. But, she is the only person I have ever been romantically attached to in real life. It has been almost eight years since I met her and I still wish I could make things work out with her, although I now know that there are several reasons why she is not completely right for me. I characterize my attachment to her as a romantic friendship rather than sexual attraction because I never experienced a desire to have sex with her – just to kiss, cuddle, have romantic dinners, and all those other wonderful things.

~~Jane P.S. I'm from New England~~

[Response] Thanks so much for sharing your story Jane!
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You are a woman of such wisdom.... I also picture you as a lone beautiful maiden standing on the crest of a small hill, the light breeze blowing your hair and simple frock as you look off into the distance with a gentle smile.... ~~Aaron Zimmerman~~

[Response] Er... Um, thanks. I never thought of myself in that way. How poetic!

What nice pictures! We really are missing a lot in our "modern" understanding of Friendship. ~~Seth J. Keegan~~

This is sadly true (what you wrote in teh blog description)....[sigh] Ever liked Duran Duran? well, it seems that the bass player and lead singer (John and Simon) actually have this kind of friendship... Humm... dunno what one thing has to do with the other anyhow... anyway, great blog!

Posted By Marian On Romantic Friendships Between Males I
August 1, 2011 10:57 AM

Ibson's book, "Picturing Men", is not just a picture book, but a serious and well-written scholarly essay analyzing the changes in American male relationships as portrayed in vernacular photography from roughly 1850 to 1950. I read the book from cover to cover and loved it. It is one of a small handful of books which has had the most profound affect on my life. Your observation about the devolution of affection among male athletes, which Ibson points out in his book, is well taken and exemplifies a much wider degeneration of connection between men in America over the course of a century or less." ~~Mike, an avid reader~~

It's too long to read (I mean, the historical examples). Can you try to break em' up into shorter sections? Thanks! ~~Barbara Whittaker~~

[Response] Allright, I'll try my best. Thanks for your helpful feedback!!

I can't believe I found you! Someone who can put into words this undefinable relationship. Someone who can help alleviate the confusion. But from what I can see, you've left plenty for me to read through. I never went searching for a romantic friendship (until now). We're not lesbians and never were, but it confused both of us (to the extent that I self-harmed due to the misplaced guilt). Although we'll probably never aspire to this kind of unique relationship (our families and friends wouldn't understand); still it is reassuring to find that others have walked this path.

I just love her - and she loves me, period. Loving her helps me understand how to love God more intimately. How holding His hand might also bring tears to my eyes because of the sheer beauty of a wonderful love. ~~Beatrice & Felicia~~

What's up? I'm Vanessa. You should check out Rizzoli & Isles, another romantic friendship in the making :) ~~An annoymous bored gal randomly browsing on the Internet~~

The music video is amazing. The lyrics and music match the scenes better than I could have imagined, and it shows such a beautiful romantic friendship between the two women. It nearly brings tears to my eyes and makes me long for something like what they have. I'll always remember Idgie & Ruth. ~~Valerie Swanson~~

I believe idgie has romantic feelings for ruth, which is her bestfriend and ruth can sense it, but back in those days you were to never show the truth if you were gay or even thought of being gay. there were still lesbians back then but they were unable to act on it.... yes it is a friendship, but it goes deeper then that for one while the other is iffy but im sure feels it too.

From Ariel, one of your regular followers on Blogger
Posted On July 30, 2011 7:30 AM

Hi, I'm from Spain. =) This summer I've seen Fried Green Tomatoes for the first time and I should to say that is the one of the best movies I've ever seen. I want to get the Extended Anniversary Edition but only it sells in USA =( Thanks to this movie my life is other, I think that Idgie is a fantastic person, I love Idgie, and Smokey, and Big George and all the chararcters, but in special Idgie, I think that Mary Stuart Masterson was the best actress to play her. All the time I am looking for things about this movie because I have a obsession with this story and I can say that this critic is wonderful. This Sunday done a month that I saw this magical movie and I have seen the movie more than 6 times and always I finished with tears on my eyes or when I heard de OST I have to quit it because I get sad and nostalgic. In conclusion this is a great movie, that never I will forget it in my whole life. Sorry for my English.
Originally Dated: September 5, 2011 3:21 PM

[Response]If you love this movie, you'll go crazy-rabid with the Xena Warrior Princess show. Think of it as a 2,000 to 3,000 years long romance epic saga between Idgie & Ruth, but X10 more intense. They (like them) never had sex nor made out, but it was a very romantic Tv show nevertheless. In fact, I've just devoted 17 cool entries to that specific show. About Xena & Gabrielle. Good luck!!! By the way, FGT is coming soon to blu-ray; even better! Save your money.
Posted On September 8, 2011 2:39 PM

As for romantic friendships, there are women out there who want them, though they do not always realize that this is what is missing in their lives. I found my soulmate in the Xenaverse. We were introduced by a mutual friend, a fellow Xena fanfic writer that I met because of my writing. Not everyone can understand a romantic friendship. But for some, it is very important and the lack thereof can leave an aching in their soul. I can tell you that they exist, but sadly, I can't tell you where to find them. I waited 34 years to find mine.
~~Chemmy~~

Really, I tell you... You shouldn't disregard the notion of becoming a writer, a published writer, where people can read, and enjoy, and become educated with your research, your wit and your intelligence. Not to mention, your candor and your courage. ~~Nora Townsend~~

Surely you have found a good publisher.... the whole work (in general) is brilliant, far too wonderful for a little AOL blog. Do consider it, it's been wonderful to read. So hard to comment on each and every one, as it takes me time to digest your words. But, if I had volumes and volumes to read, I would still anticipate more. Thank you. ~~Tracy Shepherd~~

I get an emotional rise out of watching two women get emotionally close! ~~Julia Greenberg~~

Hello there, I'm Paula. Lol, I should read down further before I comment on "Affectional Orientation..." You and I, uh, share some things in common. I care intensely, love intensely, but it's not a crush. And I don't have the desire for the romantic exclusivity that tends to be associated with romanticism. Just because I have a "best friend" doesn't mean there aren't other women who I connect on a deep level with and share things with. I perceive a "romantic friendship" as being something of a special nature out of all other friendships that person has, and I can't see myself in such a relationship. No, I think I would find it constrictive. Yet I still wish I had someone I could spend my life with in the "share the house with" sense, to do chores with, share time when I feel like I need to be around other people--or not, if we have other plans--just have someone there. (I used to sleep at the foot of my roommate's bed in college sometimes, next to her--I didn't have as close a connection with her as with my best friend, but it was comforting and enjoyable. So I see even that sort of thing as separate from the romantic friendship mold because we weren't THAT close, just comfortable with each other.) However, could I truly desire a romantic friendship and not know it? I won't rule it out, but at this moment I guess it doesn't look that much like it to me.

[Response] Paula, it's okay! Not everybody has to agree with my ideas/concepts. In fact, some don't. But, thank you for taking your time to not only read my blog, but also for taking your time to post such a lengthy in-depth thoughtful comment! Also, thanks again for being very honest with yourself at the end.

Wow. . . I just discovered this today, after a friend on the phone told me I should look up what a traditional "Boston marriage" was. Because you see, I'm pretty sure I won't be marrying anyone (I don't really have a thing for guys--yet I'm still quite "straight"), and your post about alternatives to being single all one's life really was fascinating. I was lamenting to my friend how I didn't want to live by myself but couldn't imagine living with someone who would end up dating guys all the time, yet I have absolutely zero sexual attraction to other women (and my religious beliefs would prohibit me from acting on such attraction even if I did experience it). I just encountered the whole romantic friendship idea, and am now trying to see how that fits with the asexuality community labels and ideas?? Oh, and by the way, I'm Ronnie.

[Response] Well, it has very similar ideas, particularly in the "asexual lesbian" section of the general asexuality community board forum. However, I believe the term itself to be kinda of a misnomer. But, that's just my personal opinion. FYI, I'm also a member there. I can easily be found under XWPChick09. Still, I don't quite feel I belong there. Instead, I truly, truly feel 100% at home in the Xenaverse. It is my very own personal Heaven on earth. Anyway, **waves** its nice meeting you Ronnie! I hope you will eventually warm up to the idea of Romantic Friendship & Boston marriage. Its a whole "new" radical dimension out there to explore!

I'm Claudia here. I can completely understand why someone would want to choose that kind of arrangement. Love, support, commitment and the toilet seat would always be down. :) I totally loved the "So, Are You Two Together?" entries!

You know.... women are funny creatures. Very often the affection, close contact, the snuggling; well it is enough. We nest. ~~Hannah & Natasha~~

Go figure.... you sit down to your computer with only your thoughts, and you have so profoundly affected me. ~~Rebecca~~

I just checked out the blog! Very nice! Added it to my favorites! ~~Skygack, an asexual lesbian~~

Like a lost, tech savvy soul, I consulted google for similar [nonsexual] couple pairs that behave this way and found the rare [and ancient] coined term, “Romantic Friendship.” Ms. Lillian.... All I can say is this: Thank the Lord for your existence! Amen. ~~Connie, a prim schoolteacher from Auckland, New Zealand~~

Holy Cow! I know why you created an entire blog on this whole 'weird' subject..... You've finally managed 'to connect' all the dots. Yes, I'm serious! You have such an eccentric mind. ~~Laura, a humanitarian doc stationed in Somalia, Africa~~

Who are you who writes with such insight about Friendship and love, and with such similarity to my own heart and mind? ~~Sandy, a lonely but deep-thinker kind of girl living in the UK~~

G'Day! I've been reading your whole blog up to this point. Fair dinkum! I can relate to a lot of it. I too want a romantic friendship and a boston marriage. Its very inspiring :) ~~Amanda from Queensland, Australia ~~

Thank you so much for this Lillian. You're such a courageous and wise lady. I've been working my way through your blog (I'm Ange). In my case, my friend and I have been taken by surprise. It's still early, but we are no longer struggling, thanks to your website! We talk to each other and talk to God about this a lot. We don't feel condemned by God - in fact, I think He's blessed us with a special privilege. We're certainly not asexual, and we've just had to give up trying to define it all. I don't even know if the Boston thing is for us, but we just love each other. We hold hands (discreetly), we give each other many pecks on the cheek (discreetly), and we hug for much longer than "normal". Yet at the same time, we have no erotic thoughts about each other at all. We didn't know what to call ourselves, but now I think we do. We're romantic friends!

Hi everyone!

Guy Love is a great thing. In our age, we tend to be afraid of attraction, affection, and deep connection between guy friends. I'm not gay, but I think deep friendships are important. Emotional bonding doesn't necessarily have to be sexual. And I think it is healthy to have relational intimacy with our friends. It takes work, and trust, and time, and forgiveness--but it is such a healthy thing.

I lost my best friend because of strong cultural mores and homophobia. And we weren’t even gay; our relationship was platonic. We were just two kids who connected at a soul-deep level, but our friendship was so misunderstood that the adults around us essentially forced us apart.

It was a sad situation, but out of it I have decided to write a novel–an imaginative retelling of the biblical story of Jonathan and David–in honor of the goodness of deep friendships between men. I’d love for some input at http://www.benjamindavids.com

Written By Benjamin Davids
October 15, 2010 11:43 AM

I wanted to tell you already how much I appreciate what you have put together. I am a man who yearns for a romantic friendship with another man, or "Guy Love" as JD and Turk so eloquently put it (I recorded that episode a couple years ago when it first aired and it's still on my DVR), and although your blog is admittedly mostly about "Gal Love" I am finding it refreshing and inspiring. ~~Hank~~

I enjoyed coming across your blog and reading through it. I find almost 100% of what you say to be very affirming. I think people shouldn't have to worry about how they express affection towards their friends in private or in public.

I do take issue to one thing that you have said though. 'I have a dream that perhaps homosexuality will be a thing of the past...' I feel that homosexuality, heterosexuality and Boston marriage/romantic friendships can all co-inside. Friendship is different than sexuality, wouldn't you agree with that? ~~Dylan~~

[Response] You do mean, "can all co-exist." And yes, of course I know Friendship is different from sexuality. Don't fret or worry over that particular line too much. After all, I just merely said [note the keyword] "perhaps." Not even I am sure. I could be right or I could be wrong. However, one has certain opinions **clears throat**

Thanks for reading through it anyway! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I also appreciate any constructive criticism people may make towards my blog.

Howdy! I'm Charlie from Dallas, USA. And its awesome meeting you. I cannot tell you how encouraging it is to find another living person who holds a view so similar to my own, and trumpets that view with such passion. Bravo!

You dream beautifully, Lillian. Thank you for sharing your dream with the world, and know that at least one man out here shares your dream. May it be fulfilled soon. ~~Matthrew, a straight businessman from Singapore~~